Thursday, April 29, 2010

120 Good Things about Unemployment

111. You spend yesterday ferreting out a disagreeable smell, sniffing like a dog under cabinets, pulling junk out of closets and finally finding the source first thing this morning. Yes, you set that mouse trap awhile back and forgot about it. Don’t do that again. And especially before breakfast.

112. When five airlines say they won’t charge for carryon baggage, you devise a scheme with your girlfriend to bring you on her next business trip. You just have to lose a few pounds.

113. You visit the Village Beautiful and take photos. Walden and Spring streets cross at a parking lot. Something seems amiss.

114. Nobody can beat you at Solitaire. All 1,723 versions of it, including Premier Super Precision High-Tech Grand Prix Turbo with Wicked Performance Solitaire.


115. You may have your doubts some days, but deep down you know you can withstand this ordeal, not unlike these quarters that have been standing for the last 200 years. Well, maybe leaning.

116. Your dog won’t be wearing Sexy Beast cologne. Yesterday, the Huffington Post published a hysterical photo collage by Katla McGlynn featuring The Stupidest Pet Products Ever Invented. I won’t be purchasing Sexy Beast for $65 or the Hot Doll Sex Toy for Dogs no matter what it costs. Scan the reader notes too; lots of defensive comments from people who actually have purchased the products for their pets. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/23/the-stupidest-pet-product_n_548146.html

117. You cancel your trash service that costs $22/month. You load your garbage and recycling into your Smart Car. Although you are sitting on your wine bottles and some jerk in the family didn’t compost a not-so-recent meal forcing you to stuff newspaper up your nostrils, you manage the 17-mile drive to the transfer station. As you sort everything into the bins (cardboard, green glass, brown glass, clear glass, metal, plastic, paper and garbage), the genial old-timer who works there stares at your behind and asks if you’re okay. You notice that several cars are waiting for you to finish, you’ve mixed your brown and green glass, and your butt is soaked in Merlot.

118. We bee happy. Here’s the buzz: Career Cast has rated the most stressful jobs, while saying that workplace stress damages productivity, mental well-being and physical health. The senior corporate executive is one of the top five most stressful jobs. No sympathy here. http://www.careercast.com/jobs/jobsRated  And for Bobby McFerrin’s Don’t Worry, Be Happy including Robin Williams: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9K4BKkLaCI


119. When it snows like crazy on April 28, you are at home to curse and moan and take photos. I am not in a good mood.

120. You follow New York State politics and wish you were related to Senate Majority Leader Pedro Espada, Jr, who seems to hire his family and pay them generously. According to the NY Attorney General, the Senator employed his son to run a janitorial service company that cleaned his health clinic. The janitors were paid $1.70/hour. Minimum wage is $7.25/hour. His son earned $150,000/year. They did not pay taxes. We elect such honorable folks in New York. The whole nation knows this.

\\\ For Good Things numbered 101 through 110, see 110 Good Things about Unemployment posted April 16, 2010.
For Good Things numbered 1 through 100, see 100 Good Things about Unemployment posted April 3, 2010. ///

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

119th Good Thing about Unemployment

119. When it snows like crazy on April 28, you are at home to curse and moan and take photos. I am not in a good mood.



\\\ For Good Things numbered 101 through 110, see 110 Good Things about Unemployment posted April 16, 2010.
For Good Things numbered 1 through 100, see 100 Good Things about Unemployment posted April 3, 2010. ///

Monday, April 26, 2010

118 Good Things about Unemployment

118. We bee happy. Here’s the buzz: Career Cast has rated the most stressful jobs, while saying that workplace stress damages productivity, mental well-being and physical health. The senior corporate executive is one of the top five most stressful jobs. No sympathy here. http://www.careercast.com/jobs/jobsRated
And for a lift, Bobby McFerrin’s Don’t Worry, Be Happy including Robin Williams: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9K4BKkLaCI

117. You cancel your trash service that costs $22/month. You load your garbage and recycling into your Smart Car. Although you are sitting on your wine bottles and some jerk in the family didn’t compost a not-so-recent meal forcing you to stuff newspaper up your nostrils, you manage the 17-mile drive to the transfer station. As you sort everything into the bins (cardboard, green glass, brown glass, clear glass, metal, plastic, paper and garbage), the genial old-timer who works there stares at your behind and asks if you’re okay. You notice that several cars are waiting for you to finish, you’ve mixed your brown and green glass, and your butt is soaked in Merlot.

116. Your dog won’t be wearing Sexy Beast cologne. Yesterday, the Huffington Post published a hysterical photo collage by Katla McGlynn featuring The Stupidest Pet Products Ever Invented. I won’t be purchasing Sexy Beast for $65 or the Hot Doll Sex Toy for Dogs no matter what it costs. Read the reader notes too; lots of defensive comments from people who actually have purchased the products for their pets.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/23/the-stupidest-pet-product_n_548146.html

115. You may have your doubts some days, but deep down you know you can withstand this ordeal, not unlike these quarters that have been standing for the last 200 years. Well, maybe leaning.

114. Nobody can beat you at Solitaire. All 1,723 versions of it, including Premier Super Precision High-Tech Grand Prix Turbo with Wicked Performance Solitaire.

113. You visit the Village Beautiful and take photos. Walden and Spring streets cross at a parking lot. Something seems amiss.

112. When five airlines say they won’t charge for carryon baggage, you devise a scheme with your girlfriend to bring you on her next business trip. You just have to lose a few pounds.

111. You spend yesterday ferreting out a disagreeable smell, sniffing like a dog under cabinets, pulling junk out of closets and finally finding the source first thing this morning. Yes, you set that mouse trap awhile back and forgot about it. Don’t do that again. And especially before breakfast.

\\\ For Good Things numbered 101 through 110, see 110 Good Things about Unemployment posted April 16, 2010.
For Good Things numbered 1 through 100, see 100 Good Things about Unemployment posted April 3, 2010. ///


Sunday, April 25, 2010

117 Good Things about Unemployment

117. You cancel your trash service that costs $22/month. You load your garbage and recycling into your Smart Car. Although you are sitting on your wine bottles and some jerk in the family didn’t compost a not-so-recent meal forcing you to stuff newspaper up your nostrils, you manage the 17-mile drive to the transfer station. As you sort everything into the bins (cardboard, green glass, brown glass, clear glass, metal, plastic, paper and garbage), the genial old-timer who works there stares at your behind and asks if you’re okay. You notice that several cars are waiting for you to finish, you’ve mixed your brown and green glass, and your butt is soaked in Merlot.

116. Your dog won’t be wearing Sexy Beast cologne. Yesterday, the Huffington Post published a hysterical photo collage by Katla McGlynn featuring The Stupidest Pet Products Ever Invented. I won’t be purchasing Sexy Beast for $65 or the Hot Doll Sex Toy for Dogs no matter what it costs. Read the reader notes too; lots of defensive comments from people who actually have purchased the products for their pets.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/23/the-stupidest-pet-product_n_548146.html

115. You may have your doubts some days, but deep down you know you can withstand this ordeal, not unlike these quarters that have been standing for the last 200 years. Well, maybe leaning.

114. Nobody can beat you at Solitaire. All 1,723 versions of it, including Premier Super Precision High-Tech Grand Prix Turbo with Wicked Performance Solitaire.

113. You visit the Village Beautiful and take photos. Walden and Spring streets cross at a parking lot. Something seems amiss.

112. When five airlines say they won’t charge for carryon baggage, you devise a scheme with your girlfriend to bring you on her next business trip. You just have to lose a few pounds.

111. You spend yesterday ferreting out a disagreeable smell, sniffing like a dog under cabinets, pulling junk out of closets and finally finding the source first thing this morning. Yes, you set that mouse trap awhile back and forgot about it. Don’t do that again. And especially before breakfast.

\\\ For Good Things numbered 101 through 110, see 110 Good Things about Unemployment posted April 16, 2010.
For Good Things numbered 1 through 100, see 100 Good Things about Unemployment posted April 3, 2010. ///

Saturday, April 24, 2010

116 Good Things about Unemployment

116. Your dog won’t be wearing Sexy Beast cologne. Yesterday, the Huffington Post published a hysterical photo collage by Katla McGlynn featuring The Stupidest Pet Products Ever Invented. I won’t be purchasing Sexy Beast for $65 or the Hot Doll Sex Toy for Dogs no matter what it costs. View the reader notes too; lots of defensive comments from people who actually have purchased the products for their pets.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/23/the-stupidest-pet-product_n_548146.html

115. You may have your doubts some days, but deep down you know you can withstand this ordeal, not unlike these quarters that have been standing for the last 200 years. Well, maybe leaning.

114. Nobody can beat you at Solitaire. All 1,723 versions of it, including Premier Super Precision High-Tech Grand Prix Turbo with Wicked Performance Solitaire.

113. You visit the Village Beautiful and take photos. Walden and Spring streets cross at a parking lot. Something seems amiss.

112. When five airlines say they won’t charge for carryon baggage, you devise a scheme with your girlfriend to bring you on her next business trip. You just have to lose a few pounds.

111. You spend yesterday ferreting out a disagreeable smell, sniffing like a dog under cabinets, pulling junk out of closets and finally finding the source first thing this morning. Yes, you set that mouse trap awhile back and forgot about it. Don’t do that again. And especially before breakfast.

\\\ For Good Things numbered 101 through 110, see 110 Good Things about Unemployment posted April 16, 2010.
For Good Things numbered 1 through 100, see 100 Good Things about Unemployment posted April 3, 2010. ///

Friday, April 23, 2010

115 Good Things about Unemployment

115. You may have your doubts some days, but deep down you know you can withstand this ordeal, not unlike these quarters that have been standing for the last 200 years. Well, maybe leaning.

114. Nobody can beat you at Solitaire. All 1,723 versions of it, including Premier Super Precision High-Tech Grand Prix Turbo with Wicked Performance Solitaire.

113. You visit the Village Beautiful and take photos. Walden and Spring streets cross at a parking lot. Something seems amiss.

112. When five airlines say they won’t charge for carryon baggage, you devise a scheme with your girlfriend to bring you on her next business trip. You just have to lose a few pounds.

111. You spend yesterday ferreting out a disagreeable smell, sniffing like a dog under cabinets, pulling junk out of closets and finally finding the source first thing this morning. Yes, you set that mouse trap awhile back and forgot about it. Don’t do that again. And especially before breakfast.

\\\ For Good Things numbered 101 through 110, see 110 Good Things about Unemployment posted April 16, 2010.
For Good Things numbered 1 through 100, see 100 Good Things about Unemployment posted April 3, 2010. ///

Thursday, April 22, 2010

114 Good Things about Unemployment

114. Nobody can beat you at Solitaire. All 1,723 versions of it, including Premier Super Precision High-Tech Grand Prix Turbo with Wicked Performance Solitaire.

113. You visit the Village Beautiful and take photos. Walden and Spring streets cross at a parking lot. Something seems amiss.

112. When five airlines say they won’t charge for carryon baggage, you devise a scheme with your girlfriend to bring you on her next business trip. You just have to lose a few pounds.

111. You spend yesterday ferreting out a disagreeable smell, sniffing like a dog under cabinets, pulling junk out of closets and finally finding the source first thing this morning. Yes, you set that mouse trap awhile back and forgot about it. Don’t do that again. And especially before breakfast.

\\\ For Good Things numbered 101 through 110, see 110 Good Things about Unemployment posted April 16, 2010.
For Good Things numbered 1 through 100, see 100 Good Things about Unemployment posted April 3, 2010. ///

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

113 Good Things about Unemployment







113. You visit the Village Beautiful and take photos. Walden and Spring streets cross at a parking lot. Something seems amiss.

112. When five airlines say they won’t charge for carryon baggage, you devise a scheme with your girlfriend to bring you on her next business trip. You just have to lose a few pounds.

111. You spend yesterday ferreting out a disagreeable smell, sniffing like a dog under cabinets, pulling junk out of closets and finally finding the source first thing this morning. Yes, you set that mouse trap awhile back and forgot about it. Don’t do that again. And especially before breakfast.

\\\ For Good Things numbered 101 through 110, see 110 Good Things about Unemployment posted April 16, 2010.
For Good Things numbered 1 through 100, see 100 Good Things about Unemployment posted April 3, 2010. ///

112 Good Things about Unemployment

112. When five airlines say they won’t charge for carryon baggage, you devise a scheme with your girlfriend to bring you on her next business trip. You just have to lose a few pounds.

111. You spend yesterday ferreting out a disagreeable smell, sniffing like a dog under cabinets, pulling junk out of closets and finally finding the source first thing this morning. Yes, you set that mouse trap awhile back and forgot about it. Don’t do that again. And especially before breakfast.


\\\ For Good Things numbered 101 through 110, see 110 Good Things about Unemployment posted April 16, 2010.

For Good Things numbered 1 through 100, see 100 Good Things about Unemployment posted April 3, 2010. ///

Monday, April 19, 2010

111 Good Things about Unemployment

111. You spend yesterday ferreting out a disagreeable smell, sniffing like a dog under cabinets, pulling junk out of closets and finally finding the source first thing this morning. Yes, you set that mouse trap awhile back and forgot about it. Don’t do that again. And especially before breakfast.

\\\ For Good Things numbered 101 through 110, see 110 Good Things about Unemployment posted April 16, 2010.
For Good Things numbered 1 through 100, see 100 Good Things about Unemployment posted April 3, 2010. ///

Friday, April 16, 2010

110 Good Things about Unemployment

101. You watch your two-year-old pup carry a tree branch ten times her size until she breaks it into a manageable size and then it becomes uninteresting and is dropped.

102. Although it may not seem like it some days, you are luckier than this tree.

103. You are home to stop one of your dogs from bringing in a coveted dead squirrel, bloody and mangled. He reluctantly left it at the door to come in and eat. When I let him out, it was gone. A neighbor dog was sneaking away with it. Even the unemployed dogs in this rural area are wandering. For a laugh, here is an illustrated version of The Wanderer by Dion and The Belmonts including John Glenn, The Three Stooges and a floating newborn. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBtmaq0J2kU

104. You watch two water striders get it on, while taking everything in stride.

105. You apply for a Guinness World Record for most job application rejections. Today, I got a rejection letter for a job I didn’t even apply for. No kidding. I should get some kind of prize for that.

106. A sweet poem for the season, after a walk in the woods finding tiny spring flowers like this Round-lobed Hepatica a.k.a. Anemone americana. Aren't you impressed with my knowledge of the Buttercup Family? I own a wildflower book.
A Variation of Spring Has Sprung
Spring Has Sprung, the grass his ris’,
I wonder where the birdie is?
There he is up in the sky,
He dropped some doodoo in my eye!
I’m alright, I won’t cry,
I’m unemployed and used to that shit.

107. You laugh at other unemployed persons' blogs. Check out the video at http://unemploymentality.com/ showing the travails of an unemployed Imperial Stormtrooper named TK822.

108. On your walk today, you see a critter that reminds you of your old boss. In metaphor only, though. This guy here is harmless. You sure don't miss the other one.

109. You could be in the midst of Iceland’s volcanic ash or stuck in a European airport, but you are at home, free and clear of everything including employment.

110. You begin to relate to your shoulder companion, the camera. This porcupine was yesterday’s highlight. How about their mating ritual? Males fight over the females, which is how it should be. Then the males dance and spray urine over the head of the female. Now, that is courtship.

\\\ For Good Things numbered 1 through 100, see 100 Good Things about Unemployment posted April 3, 2010. ///

Thursday, April 15, 2010

109 Good Things about Unemployment

109. You could be in the midst of Iceland’s volcanic ash or stuck in a European airport, but you are at home, free and clear of everything including employment.

108. On your walk today, you see a critter that reminds you of your old boss. In metaphor only, though. This guy here is harmless. You sure don't miss the other one.

107. You laugh at other unemployed persons' blogs. Check out the video at http://unemploymentality.com/ showing the travails of an unemployed Imperial Stormtrooper named TK822.

106. A sweet poem for the season, after a walk in the woods finding tiny spring flowers like this Round-lobed Hepatica a.k.a. Anemone americana. Aren't you impressed with my knowledge of the Buttercup Family? I own a wildflower book.

A Variation of Spring Has Sprung
Spring Has Sprung, the grass his ris’,
I wonder where the birdie is?
There he is up in the sky,
He dropped some doodoo in my eye!
I’m alright, I won’t cry,
I’m unemployed and used to that shit.

105. You apply for a Guinness World Record for most job application rejections. Today, I got a rejection letter for a job I didn’t even apply for. No kidding. I should get some kind of prize for that.

104. You watch two water striders get it on, while taking everything in stride.

103. You are home to stop one of your dogs from bringing in a coveted dead squirrel, bloody and mangled. He reluctantly left it at the door to come in and eat. When I let him out, it was gone. A neighbor dog was sneaking away with it. Even the unemployed dogs in this rural area are wandering. For a laugh, here is an illustrated version of The Wanderer by Dion and The Belmonts including John Glenn, The Three Stooges and a floating newborn. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBtmaq0J2kU

102. Although it may not seem like it some days, you are luckier than this tree.

101. You watch your two-year-old pup carry a tree branch ten times her size until she breaks it into a manageable size and then it becomes uninteresting and is dropped.

\\\ For Good Things numbered 1 through 100, see 100 Good Things about Unemployment posted April 3, 2010. ///

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

108 Good Things about Unemployment

108. On your walk today, you see a critter that reminds you of your old boss. In metaphor only, though. This guy here is harmless. You sure don't miss the other one.  

107. You laugh at other unemployed persons' blogs. Check out the video at http://unemploymentality.com/ showing the travails of an unemployed Imperial Stormtrooper named TK822.

106. A sweet poem for the season, after a walk in the woods finding tiny spring flowers like this Round-lobed Hepatica a.k.a. Anemone americana. Aren't you impressed with my knowledge of the Buttercup Family? I own a wildflower book.

A Variation of Spring Has Sprung
Spring Has Sprung, the grass his ris’,
I wonder where the birdie is?
There he is up in the sky,
He dropped some doodoo in my eye!
I’m alright, I won’t cry,
I’m unemployed and used to that shit.


105. You apply for a Guinness World Record for most job application rejections. Today, I got a rejection letter for a job I didn’t even apply for. No kidding. I should get some kind of prize for that.

104. You watch two water striders get it on, while taking everything in stride.

103. You are home to stop one of your dogs from bringing in a coveted dead squirrel, bloody and mangled. He reluctantly left it at the door to come in and eat. When I let him out, it was gone. A neighbor dog was sneaking away with it. Even the unemployed dogs in this rural area are wandering. For a laugh, here is an illustrated version of The Wanderer by Dion and The Belmonts including John Glenn, The Three Stooges and a floating newborn. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBtmaq0J2kU

102. Although it may not seem like it some days, you are luckier than this tree.

101. You watch your two-year-old pup carry a tree branch ten times her size until she breaks it into a manageable size and then it becomes uninteresting and is dropped.

\\\ For Good Things numbered 1 through 100, see 100 Good Things about Unemployment posted April 3, 2010. ///

Monday, April 12, 2010

107 Good Things about Unemployment

107. You laugh at other unemployed persons' blogs. Check out the video at http://unemploymentality.com/ showing the travails of an unemployed Imperial Stormtrooper named TK822.

106. A sweet poem for the season, after a walk in the woods finding tiny spring flowers like this Round-lobed Hepatica a.k.a. Anemone americana. Aren't you impressed with my knowledge of the Buttercup Family? I own a wildflower book.

A Variation of Spring Has Sprung
Spring Has Sprung, the grass his ris’,
I wonder where the birdie is?
There he is up in the sky,
He dropped some doodoo in my eye!
I’m alright, I won’t cry,
I’m unemployed and used to that shit.


104. You watch two water striders get it on, while taking everything in stride.

105. You apply for a Guinness World Record for most job application rejections. Today, I got a rejection letter for a job I didn’t even apply for. No kidding. I should get some kind of prize for that.

103. You are home to stop one of your dogs from bringing in a coveted dead squirrel, bloody and mangled. He reluctantly left it at the door to come in and eat. When I let him out, it was gone. A neighbor dog was sneaking away with it. Even the unemployed dogs in this rural area are wandering. For a laugh, here is an illustrated version of The Wanderer by Dion and The Belmonts including John Glenn, The Three Stooges and a floating newborn. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBtmaq0J2kU

102. Although it may not seem like it some days, you are luckier than this tree.

101. You watch your two-year-old pup carry a tree branch ten times her size until she breaks it into a manageable size and then it becomes uninteresting and is dropped.

\\\ For Good Things numbered 1 through 100, see 100 Good Things about Unemployment posted April 3, 2010. ///

Sunday, April 11, 2010

106 Good Things about Unemployment

106. A sweet poem for the season, after a walk in the woods finding tiny spring flowers like this Round-lobed Hepatica a.k.a. Anemone americana. Aren't you impressed with my knowledge of the Buttercup Family? I own a wildflower book.

A Variation of Spring Has Sprung
Spring Has Sprung, the grass his ris’,
I wonder where the birdie is?
There he is up in the sky,
He dropped some doodoo in my eye!
I’m alright, I won’t cry,
I’m unemployed and used to that shit.

105. You apply for a Guinness World Record for most job application rejections. Today, I got a rejection letter for a job I didn’t even apply for. No kidding. I should get some kind of prize for that.

104. You watch two water striders get it on, while taking everything in stride.

103. You are home to stop one of your dogs from bringing in a coveted dead squirrel, bloody and mangled. He reluctantly left it at the door to come in and eat. When I let him out, it was gone. A neighbor dog was sneaking away with it. Even the unemployed dogs in this rural area are wandering. For a laugh, here is an illustrated version of The Wanderer by Dion and The Belmonts including John Glenn, The Three Stooges and a floating newborn. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBtmaq0J2kU

102. Although it may not seem like it some days, you are luckier than this tree.

101. You watch your two-year-old pup carry a tree branch ten times her size until she breaks it into a manageable size and then it becomes uninteresting and is dropped.

\\\ For Good Things numbered 1 through 100, see 100 Good Things about Unemployment posted April 3, 2010. ///

Friday, April 9, 2010

105 Good Things about Unemployment

105. You apply for a Guinness World Record for most job application rejections. Today, I got a rejection letter for a job I didn’t even apply for. No kidding. I should get some kind of prize for that.

104. You watch two water striders get it on, while taking everything in stride.

103. You are home to stop one of your dogs from bringing in a coveted dead squirrel, bloody and mangled. He reluctantly left it at the door to come in and eat. When I let him out, it was gone. A neighbor dog was sneaking away with it. Even the unemployed dogs in this rural area are wandering. For a laugh, here is an illustrated version of The Wanderer by Dion and The Belmonts including John Glenn, The Three Stooges and a floating newborn. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBtmaq0J2kU

102. Although it may not seem like it some days, you are luckier than this tree.

101. You watch your two-year-old pup carry a tree branch ten times her size until she breaks it into a manageable size and then it becomes uninteresting and is dropped.

\\\ For Good Things numbered 1 through 100, see 100 Good Things about Unemployment posted April 3, 2010. ///

Thursday, April 8, 2010

104 Good Things about Unemployment

104. You watch two water striders get it on, while taking everything in stride. 

103. You are home to stop one of your dogs from bringing in a coveted dead squirrel, bloody and mangled. He reluctantly left it at the door to come in and eat. When I let him out, it was gone. A neighbor dog was sneaking away with it. Even the unemployed dogs in this rural area are wandering. For a laugh, here is an illustrated version of The Wanderer by Dion and The Belmonts including John Glenn, The Three Stooges and a floating newborn. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBtmaq0J2kU

102. Although it may not seem like it some days, you are luckier than this tree.

101. You watch your two-year-old pup carry a tree branch ten times her size until she breaks it into a manageable size and then it becomes uninteresting and is dropped.

\\\ For Good Things numbered 1 through 100, see 100 Good Things about Unemployment posted April 3, 2010. ///

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

103 Good Things about Unemployment

103. You are home to stop one of your dogs from bringing in a coveted dead squirrel, bloody and mangled. He reluctantly left it at the door to come in and eat. When I let him out, it was gone. A neighbor dog was sneaking away with it. Even the unemployed dogs in this rural area are wandering. For a laugh, here is an illustrated version of The Wanderer by Dion and The Belmonts including John Glenn, The Three Stooges and a floating newborn. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBtmaq0J2kU

102. Although it may not seem like it some days, you are luckier than this tree.


101. You watch your two-year-old pup carry a tree branch ten times her size until she breaks it into a manageable piece and then it becomes uninteresting and is dropped.



\\\ For Good Things numbered 1 through 100, see 100 Good Things about Unemployment posted April 3, 2010. ///

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

102 Good Things about Unemployment

102.  Although it may not seem like it some days, you are luckier than this tree.

101. You watch your two-year-old pup carry a tree branch ten times her size until she breaks it into a manageable piece and then it becomes uninteresting and is dropped.



\\\ For Good Things numbered 1 through 100, see 100 Good Things about Unemployment posted April 3, 2010. ///

Monday, April 5, 2010

101 Good Things about Unemployment

101. You watch your two-year-old pup carry a tree branch ten times her size until she breaks it into a manageable piece and then it becomes uninteresting and is dropped.

\\\ For Good Things numbered 1 through 100, see 100 Good Things about Unemployment posted April 3, 2010. ///

Saturday, April 3, 2010

100 Good Things about Unemployment

1. You don’t have to call in sick. 

2. When the local Toyota dealership sends you a key to win a new Prius, you drive there when the sun is shining, amuse the salesman while not buying a car, and collect your consolation prize of three gold coins. The gold coins were dollars, but I'm not complaining about a free three bucks.

3. You don’t groan when the teenager at the thrift shop asks if you want the senior discount.

4. If someone is rude on the phone, you simply hang up on them.

5. You look forward to jury duty.

6. You can wear the same outfit all week and nobody knows but your partner and he just wants your clothes off anyway.

7. You don't have to wash laundry on the weekend.

8. You have time to dust. This week, I dusted and vacuumed in places I’ve never seen before. I swear I disrupted the lives of 40-year-old daddy-long-legs. We didn’t just have web communities between the posts and beams of this 180-year-old house, there were remote solar systems with intricate travel ways. I even cleaned around my partner’s side of the bed, which I consider the sixth dimension. However, I did not touch his bedside table. Even unemployed, I have my limits.

9. You don’t have to worry if you have available vacation days.

10. You can always make a personal call.

11. No matter what time of day your holiday guests arrive at the airport, you can pick them up.

12. You are not in the office on Christmas Eve.

13. For Christmas, you can give penny loafers without the loafers and your family will understand.

14. You happily avoid the lines at the after-Christmas sales.

15. You get good at exchanging holiday gifts for cash.

16. You are still eating all the Christmas dinner leftovers that family offered. We finished the cheesecake yesterday, but still have half of the cherry pie. Oops, not quite half. We have enough vegetarian stuffing for the next 37 holidays.

17. You can watch the falling snowflakes the size of Nebraska.

18. You can wait as the dogs roll around in the snow on your daily hike.

19. As the clock strikes midnight, you wish for a year as good as this one.

20. You can create a blog and get rich when thousands of your loyal readers click the ads. Happy New Year!

21. On a warm winter day, you can count the snow fleas.

22. On a cold winter day, you can shovel.

23. You can read and read and reread. I just finished The Lacuna by Barbara Kingsolver. I cried at the end, maybe because I could no longer read this triumph of a book. So, I reread the last chapter.

24. You can watch Emperor Penguins mate in the middle of the day. I had never done that before yesterday. Shortly after the library opened at 2:00 pm, I checked out a handful of DVDs. After spending my morning shoveling snow, I sat down on my bed with a cup of tea and cookies, and watched the March of the Penguins. I loved seeing these birds slide around the South Pole on their plentiful bellies. I’m just surprised the beer drinking human male hasn’t adopted this system of transportation.

25. You are the boss.

26. You find meaning in the dollar menu at Taco Bell.

27. When the Jehovah's Witnesses come to your door, you are at home to discuss the evils of working too hard.

28. You can watch the icicles not melting.


29. There is no dress code.

30. Your dog thanks you because you cannot afford the $300 teeth cleaning that the vet recommends.

31. You get to eat the cheapest thing on the menu. Last night, I ate an entire plateful of onion rings. It is even difficult for me to conjure up that image again. I'm in the process of expelling that good thing.

32. There is no one to argue with. However, I have been known to carry on with the dogs.

33. You can fart at your desk.

34. You do not wake up in the middle of the night haunted by work.

35. Saturday is just another day. I'm making snow angels.

36. You can spend as much as time as you want in the bathroom during your break from your blog.

37. You can spend the morning admiring the sticky snowstorm and cleaning up dog diarrhea. I have spared you a photo of the latter. What a beautiful morning, outside anyway. As for the dogs, they are now outside too. As for the diarrhea, we have big dogs. But whichever one it was, he made a good attempt at running to the bathroom. Why I don't know.

38. You can make habitat for the snow fleas. If you make tracks in the snow today, the snow fleas will be there tomorrow as long as the temperature is still around freezing. The last few days have been balmy—almost 40 degrees. Stick your nose in yesterday’s tracks and watch the snow fleas jump. (Link to a video of a magnified snow flea jumping: www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDv8jBOaSFc&NR=1  A little guy is there, then he isn’t. Now, he has switched places with a friend. Possibly the perfect mates.

39. Your alarm clock doesn’t go off, on purpose.

40. Naps are necessary. Yesterday, I slept for hours on the couch after reading a New Yorker story. Earlier, I took a hike in the woods and shoveled more of our long gravel drive where my car had gotten stuck the night before. The Honda is buried again this morning. And I’m sure the town’s road crew has piled the snow at the end of the drive. Real exercise ahead. Update: Our kind neighbor with a snowplow did the work for me. I think an outing is in order. I’ll go get gas.

41. You can run out of the house as soon as the winter sun shines provided you already have your boots laced, unzip your parka, unzip your gray sweatshirt, unzip your navy sweatshirt, pull up your t-shirt and soak in the sun for the 11 minutes that it shines. So far, the neighbors haven’t objected. I have such small breasts that the little things might not even be visible from across the road. I’ve told them this practice was recommended by my doctor who claims my Vitamin D is so low I could have Rickets.

42. You can watch your dogs snore and twitch.

43. You can get a bunch of credit cards before the banks know you have no income. For the banks, this is also a good thing. I have so many now I need a new genuine cowhide leather slim line credit card holder. And I'm a vegetarian.

44. You can ponder. I’ve been thinking about the word, rodeo. It has three long vowels and only five letters. Wow. Or rather, yeehaw.

45. When your car breaks down, you don’t have to worry about getting to work.

46. You can make your own TV dinners, instant coffee or Tang. Let Lester and Charlie show you how: http://bit.ly/ozqT6  These guys are hysterical.

47. You can unpack keepsakes left to you and repack them until you leave them to your offspring who will unpack and repack them.

48. No need to go outside when it is two degrees. I'm not bedding down with the deer tonight. My mama told me there’d be days like this.

49. When your doctor makes you wait over an hour to see her on your last day of health insurance, it just doesn't matter.

50. Sex. This week, UPI reported the findings of a Texas A&M study published in the journal Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity that found lengthy unemployment may increase sexual appetite. I’m waiting.  http://www.upi.com/Health_News/2010/01/25/Long-term-unemployment-linked-to-more-sex/UPI-24231264478711/

51. You can find things of historic value like this big-eyed card from Hallmark’s Heart Warmer’s collection. This reminds me of when I visited the Precious Moments Park with some good friends. My story about that experience is posted below at 51 Good Things.

52. You don’t have to bathe regularly.


53. As they disconnect your cable, you realize you are already Dancing with the Stars. Just one more of the Desperate Housewives writing her Vampire Diaries. These are the Days of Our Lives. Although George Clooney doesn't seem to be referenced here, I think he should be.

54. You watch Mr. Moto’s Last Warning and congratulate Peter Lorre when he throws a stack of dynamite out of his abode as it explodes in the air, escapes from a tied gunnysack sunk in the Mediterranean and prevents a war between Britain and France, while never breaking his glasses.

55. Unfettered-ness. According to another psychological study, most people are happier on days without work because nobody is bugging them. Scientists label it the weekend-effect. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/01/100112085518.htm  I say, "For complete well-being, become unemployed. Calling it the unemployment-effect, test subjects say they feel better—emotionally and physically—from Monday morning through Sunday night."

56. You do your taxes as soon as you get your W-2, and kiss your own behind when you learn you are getting a big fat refund. Thanks be to yoga.

57. You get good at Sudoku. And you’re proud of it.

58. You get past level 3-5 on a free game of Zuma Deluxe. This is a complicated computer game where a frog spits marbles. If your left-click mouse finger is up to it, you will clear all the marbles before one of them ends up in the gapping mouth of a skull. When you complete a level, a sexy baritone voice exclaims, Zuma! That is the part that gets to me.

59. You become fascinated with old movies. I’ve watched Cecil B. DeMille’s The Greatest Show on Earth 37 times, while my library fees mount. My hands sweat when Holly, the trapeze artist, duels with The Great Sebastian. Charlton Heston plays another jerk. The only movie I liked him in was Planet of the Apes. Now, that was suspense. I just learned you can get this picture postcard of Charlton Heston’s kiss on E-Bay for $2.95. What a bargain. Hint: My birthday is tomorrow.

60. You don’t have to go to work on your birthday. No passive-aggressive boss gives you the silent treatment. No conniving colleagues. Instead, I’m taking a trip to Algiers with Charles Boyer and Heddy Lamarr. I’ve got a picnic basket of bread, cheese, Satsuma mandarins and a grapefruit Izze. It’s my birthday. Take me to the Casbah.

61. You have no excuse not to attend a relative’s memorial service. You drive cross country and charge your gas to one of your new credit cards. You get to see your five-year-old nephew play a critical game in his basketball career.

62. You become a member of the unemployed underground. Dues are paid in-kind. Everyone is welcome.

63. You cook when family come to visit. The oven goes out, so you finally understand these lyrics: Someone left the cake out in the rain. I don't think that I can take it 'Cause it took so long to bake it. And I'll never have that recipe again, oh no... Yes, Richard Harris sings MacArthur Park…all seven minutes of it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amzJDSsC2IA&feature=related

64. You put hot sauce on your cold cereal to boost your spirits before reading the Sunday want ads.

65. You get to read optimistic daily forecasts about your future. Millions of Unemployed Face Years Without Jobs, NY Times, 2/21/2010 http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/21/business/economy/21unemployed.html

66. You keep your hands busy. You may want to crochet a tree jacket.

67. No need to wear a watch, unless it gives you the day and date.


68. You count the number of times the snow plow clears your road. You wish the road crew would plow your drive. The snow is heavy and sticks to the shovel. But, you have plenty of time and nowhere to go. Your car can wait another day, since your driveway is going to take all of this one.

69. You are grateful you have electricity since thousands of area residents are without it. Snow continues to pour from the sky without sun. The neighborly plows scrape by and you wave from the window. You are at home with the fire blazing, streaming dance tunes and not thinking about your former coworkers on the job.

70. You read famous quotes and discover hope.
Winston Churchill: Difficulties mastered are opportunities won. 
John F. Kennedy: Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth.
Groucho Marx: Well, Art, it’s Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.

71. You snowshoe swiftly down a steep slope without poles and forethought. You plod back up, sweating. Your dog steps on one of your snowshoes. You are no longer going up. You now have evidence there is two feet of snow--in your underwear.

72. You love the one you're with. You.

73. You imagine. You invent a software gadget that easily removes everything invented by the computer geeks who think this stuff is indispensable but only cause you repeated frustration. The new gadget is called the Sheba. You never have to work for another idiot again. As John Lennon sings, You may say I'm a dreamer.

74. You volunteer. You choose a place where you will make new friends and learn of opportunities. You are excited. You go there several times and conduct your tasks alone. Sometimes you dust, which you rarely do at home, but the dust mites are friendly.

75. Paying bills doesn’t take long. Nothing coming in, nothing going out. Collectors call you. You sit still and retreat to your snow fort. Only the snow fleas find you and a dog when he lifts his leg.

76. You create cash. You take a box of books to a second hand store; they buy three for $6. You find a receipt for a purchase at K-Mart so you return the blue light special, collecting $42.39. You recycle 23 bottles for $1.27; you get the 10% bonus. After all that work, you have a beer for $3. Today’s net income: $46.66.

77. You play the lottery. You win Mega Millions. I'm back to the imagining thing again. If you want a laugh, go to this website and watch the short video on how to play. It shows you how to walk to the store:
http://www.nylottery.org/ny/nyStore/cgi-bin/ProdSubEV_Cat_403_SubCat_337550_NavRoot_320.htm

78. You are thinner. The Washington Post reports that fast food breakfast sales are down because the unemployed don’t stop there on their way to work anymore. Instead, they eat cereal at home or don’t eat at all. A sausage and egg McMuffin is 450 calories, with more than half from fat. Eating nothing is considerably lower than that. So, it stands to reason that we unemployed are thinner as a result. I didn’t need to study it. If you find contrary evidence, let me know. I’ll ignore it.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/02/20/AR2010022003718.html

79. You use less gas. You do not go to McDonalds on your way to work. You do not go to work. You do not go to job interviews because there are no jobs. Your car sits. So do you. But the size of your caboose does not increase because you are thinner.

80. You are always home for morning tea, and afternoon tea, and evening tea. You learn to read your tea leaves. They say you will be successful. Employment? Yes, definitely. When? You will have to drink more tea.

81. You discover Facebook. You find old high school buddies. You find former boyfriends. They all look good. You change your photo to your cheerleader yearbook photo. They say you haven’t changed a bit. You know that.

82. You are amused by street names like Petticoat Lane and Rabbit College Road. You rename these roads by visiting http://www.jimwegryn.com/Names/StreetNameGenerator.htm
You come up with Heather Feather Quay and Hidden Zephyr Crest.

83. You call yourself a troubled asset and ask the government to purchase you. Let me know if this works. Otherwise, I’ll talk with AIG.

84. When your electricity goes out, you are pleased to learn that high winds were the cause and not your delinquent payment.

85. When daylight savings time gives you another hour of daylight, you’ve got an extra hour to blog. Your reader wonders if that is a good thing.

86. Your daily attire is on sale at K-Mart for $4.50. I bought another so I don’t have to type naked when my blue suit is in the washer. And this yellow outfit looks like spring to me. (My blue suit can be found at 29 Good Things posted above.)

87. You read your spam. In the last week, 12 nice merchants have offered me $200 off on a Rolex watch. Paul Meyers, an internet professional who has “seen it all,” wants to show me how he made $136,808 in one month. Veola Rima and 32 others will give me free Viagra. I received a final notice from the FBI, a promise of clear skin, and a bunch of admonitions for wasting my military benefits. And Marlene Gebo wants me to put my doughnut in her oven.

88. You make your own fancy coffee drinks. Although I don’t have an espresso machine, I brew it strong. And I don’t have to pay extra for soymilk. This coffee cup is my favorite. It says, "do I look like I give a rat's ass?"

89. Sitting by a mountain stream at high noon listening to the rush of melted snow. Robins have been reported, but I haven’t seen them. Spring may be here. I hope I don't jinx it.

90. You are home to nurse a sick family member. You remind him though that the nurse has breaks for blogging and watching the 48 games of the first weekend of March madness.

91. You look for good luck charms everywhere and smiley faces count.

92. The job interview.
Where would you like to be in 10 years? Employed.
What qualities do you feel a successful manager should have? The insight to hire me.
What do coworkers say about you? Is he talking about the dogs? I guess so. They like our long walks in the woods.

93. You don't have to lie to your boss when you are looking for a job. In the March 22 edition of Time online, Brad Tuttle instructs us on,"lies to tell your boss so he doesn't know you're looking for another job." http://wp.me/pxxA6-PM  How do we rid society of this dishonesty? Hire the unemployed.

94. When you are sick, you don't miss work.

95. You search for truth. What is our purpose on this earth? What is the meaning of life? Is it like Lou Reed sings, “some kind of nature, some kind of soul.” Or is Quest your savior? For me, it is unemployment insurance. Thanks be to the New York State Department of Labor.

96. When you can't will your feet to walk, you crawl to your computer. I'm still sick and miserable. There will be better days.

97. When you cough, you don’t have to cover your mouth.

98. You discover generic toilet paper doesn't wipe you the wrong way. According to Brad Tuttle, generic toilet paper sales are up 9% due to the recession. http://money.blogs.time.com/2010/03/31/how-the-economy-is-still-affecting-how-we-work-shop-and-live%e2%80%94and-how-many-ex-cons-are-out-on-the-streets/

99. When bronchitis is the diagnosis, cheap generic drugs kick butt, so to speak. It took less than three hours for a side effect of the antibiotics to hit me. I assume, though, you don’t want me to talk about human diarrhea; a few squeamish readers were not thrilled about my dog diarrhea day noted here. I love this generic illustration.

100. You can avoid shopping on Saturday when all those employed people are out and about.