13 Good Things About Unemployment

13. You can give penny loafers without the loafers and your family will understand.

12. You are not in the office on Christmas Eve.

11. No matter what time of day your holiday guests arrive at the airport, you can pick them up.

10. You can always make a personal call.

9. You don’t have to worry if you have available vacation days.

8. You can dust. This week, I dusted and vacuumed in places I’ve never seen before. I swear I disrupted the lives of 40-year-old daddy long legs. We didn’t just have web communities between the posts and beams of this 180-year-old house, there were remote solar systems with intricate travel ways. I even cleaned around my partner’s side of the bed too, which is not something I ordinarily do. However, I did not touch his bedside table. Even unemployed, I have my limits.

7. You don’t have to do laundry on the weekend.

6. You can wear the same outfit all week and nobody knows but your partner and he just wants your clothes off anyway.

5. You look forward to jury duty.

4. If someone is rude on the phone, you simply hang up on them.

3. You don’t groan when the teenager at the thrift shop asks if you want the senior discount.

2. When the local Toyota dealership sends you a key to win a new Prius, you can drive there when the sun is shining, amuse the salesman while not buying a car, and collect your consolation prize of three gold coins.

1. You don’t have to call in sick.