Wednesday, January 20, 2010

39 Good Things about Unemployment

39. Your alarm clock doesn’t go off, on purpose.

38. You can make habitat for the snow fleas. If you make tracks in the snow today, the snow fleas will be there tomorrow as long as the temperature is still around freezing. The last few days have been balmy—almost 40 degrees. Stick your nose in yesterday’s tracks and watch the snow fleas jump. (I’ve attached a link to a video of a magnified snow flea jumping.) A little guy is there, then he isn’t. Now, he has switched places with a friend. Possibly the perfect mates.

37. You can spend the morning admiring the sticky snowstorm and cleaning up dog diarrhea. I have spared you a photo of the latter. What a beautiful morning, outside anyway. As for the dogs, they are now outside too. As for the diarrhea, we have big dogs. But whichever one it was, he made a good attempt at running to the bathroom. Why I don't know.

36. You can spend as much as time as you want in the bathroom.

35. Saturday is just another day. I'm making snow angels.

34. You do not wake up in the middle of the night haunted by work.

33. You can fart at your desk.

32. There is no one to argue with. However, I have been known to carry on with the dogs.

31. You get to eat the cheapest thing on the menu. Last night, I ate an entire plateful of onion rings. It is even difficult for me to conjure up that image again. I'm in the process of expelling that good thing.

30. Your dog thanks you because you cannot afford the $300 teeth cleaning that the vet recommends.

29. There is no dress code.

28. You can watch the icicles not melting.

27. When the Jehovah's Witnesses come to your door, you are at home to discuss the evils of working too hard.

26. You find meaning in the dollar menu at Taco Bell.

For Good Things numbered 1 through 25, see the entry on January 6th entitled, 25 Good Things about Unemployment.

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