Friday, July 2, 2010

158 Good Things about Unemployment

158. Somebody always thinks you can be useful around the house. That's me on the ladder. I'd rather be loafing.

157. You go without underwear. We unemployed should try this. As we walk out of each interview, we will show our moon. What do you think? Shall we start a national trend that can be reported by Brad Tuttle in the TIME blog? Not wearing underwear is a cheapskate strategy recommended in the new book, The Ultimate Cheapskate, and reported by Tuttle, “one way to save, recommended by a female cheapskate, is to go without underwear (at least when the weather's warm).”

156. You eat potato chips and ice cream for breakfast. Eight months of unemployment deserves some sort of recognition. No one is watching. Splurge.

155. You hear of job openings for Russian Secret Agents. According to a NY Times article, a neighbor to the alleged New Jersey spies who were arrested yesterday said, “They couldn’t have been spies. Look what she did with the hydrangeas.”
Come see my garden. My neighbors will attest I can dig. Is there a Russian employment office nearby? Here I'm disguised as an American Toad. Hire me. (NY Times article is at

154. You become known for animal expulsions. Your friend Dottie tells you she thinks of you when she cleans up her cat’s vomit. You have arrived. And last night, a bat thanks you by fluttering back and forth above your head at 3:30 a.m. Today, you research bat "guano" and find it deposited in your guest bedroom. Why is there a special word for bat poop?

153. When the Generals change, you don't have to salute the new one.

152. When you have a big zit, no one at the office stares at it.

151. There are no complaints unless you forget to feed the dogs. Then, there may be some impatience.

\\ For Good Things numbered 101 through 150, see 150 Good Things about Unemployment posted June 17, 2010.
For Good Things numbered 1 through 100, see 100 Good Things about Unemployment posted April 3, 2010. ///

No comments: